Day twenty four: advice

What piece of advice would you give to five year old you? Sixteen year old you? Twenty-one year old you? Right now?

advice 2

Five year old me:

Keep playing. Never stop learning. It’s okay to be shy, but don’t let it stop you from making new friends and trying new activities

Sixteen year old me:

Stop comparing yourself to others. You are not “fat” – don’t be so hard on yourself. Research and visit as many colleges as you can – start soon. Don’t worry so much about what other people think

Twenty-one year old me:

(See above and add…) Don’t settle – on a job, boy, etc. Stand up for yourself and be firm in your beliefs. DON’T GIVE UP. Trust in God’s plan and everything will work out.

Right now me:

Trust the process and enjoy the “now.”

advice

Onwards & Upwards…

Day twenty three: in a year

Let’s jump forward a year. What would you like to have achieved in the past year?

Piggybacking off of my previous post, below are areas of my life outlined in the seven dimensions of wellness that I want to have achieved (or be close to achieving) in a year:

Social – Reconnect with friends that I’ve grown apart from, hangout with people I’ve met through my young adults group outside of our normal meet up times, and host more gatherings (my social anxiety has got my heart rate up just typing this)!

Emotional – Not take out my emotions/bad days on other people, more yoga/meditation, write and communicate my feelings with others, and see a counselor as needed.

Spiritual – Deepen my prayer life, attend church weekly, and stay active with my new women’s group.

Environmental – Stop getting plastic bags from the store (I am pretty good about bringing in my cloth bags, but could do better), start an herb garden, and refurbish older items around the house or from thrift stores vs/ buying brand new.

Occupational –  I want to continue to grow into my new position at work and take on more responsibilities.

Intellectual – Read more books, become more fluent in Spanish, and complete a crossword puzzle without cheating…

Physical – I want to  have more self-confidence with my changing body as I continue gaining a healthy amount of weight. Build more muscle mass and cardiac endurance

 

orange

Onwards & Upwards…

Day twenty two: areas of life

 

It’s a little bit weird that this 25 day challenge is coming to an end. But I guess it makes sense that I am being asked tougher questions!

What area of your life, right now, makes you feel the best? Which area makes you feel the worst? Why?

Best:

After being jobless, and for the most part directionless, for the past five months I feel like I am finally on track career-wise. I started my new job two weeks ago.  I’m still transitioning to the new routine and adjusting to having to focus at certain times. So far everything is going great and I have no complaints. I’m looking forward to the next few months and seeing what life has in store for me!

Worst:

Body image. I’m struggling with my old clothes fitting tighter, stop my eating when I’m full, and not comparing myself to others. I have “better” days than others, but adjusting to a new schedule does make me anxious. All I seem to do is eat and work out and think about eating and working out…

habit

Onwards & Upwards…

Day twenty one: money

Pretend money is no object. What would you do?

 

As I transition to a new job and living situation, I want a  fresh start – a physical fresh start. I have had so many of my things (office decor, clothes, shoes, etc.) since college (7 years ago) and some even when I was in high school… It can be hard to sort through sentimental belongings and deciding what to donate and hard to come across things that remind me of a less than happy time.

Several times I’ve noticed myself thinking, “I wish I could just snap my fingers and have a new everything, a clean slate”. But of course that takes money that I don’t necessarily have to spend on extras. Even a cleaning service where someone comes in and cleans out my room at my parent’s house would be a blessing! I would gain so much peace of mind.

money

Onwards & Upwards…

The Journey of Jobbing

I feel like this post has been a long time coming. I’ve gone back and forth on how I want to “craft it,” fit everything I want to say, trying to make sure it’s “perfect.” I realized that this post will never be “perfect” or “complete” because my story is always evolving. So bear with me and here we go!

I’ve been struggling to find a new job for over a year now. I had never been completely satisfied (is anyone ever completely satisfied) with my most recent job. When I came across it on Craigslist almost three years ago I was hesitant to apply. Why? I had recently been laid off from a catering admin position that I really didn’t enjoy. One of the reasons being its emphasis on food made it challenging in the process of recovering from an eating disorder. However, reading the job description, I saw that I could meet the experience required (unlike many other jobs I had applied to) and it was at a cool location. Plus, after applying to 50+ jobs and not hearing anything back from 90% of them I honestly didn’t think I would receive a response. So at 11 pm I submitted my resume, closed my laptop, and went the bed.

Of course the job I didn’t necessarily want was the one who called me the next afternoon. I was getting desperate, unemployed for almost four months with no clear path, so I went ahead and took the job. The first few months were new and exciting. I loved being more involved in the overall event process and my colleagues. It wasn’t too long until I became “bored.” Some days were busier than others and I felt productive, but it did not take me long to realize that this was not the industry (hospitality) that I wanted to be in forever. I told myself that I would stick with it for a few years, build my resume and then find something else.

attract

Unfortunately the feelings of being stuck and unhappy came long before the two-year mark I had given myself. I could complete most of my tasks within an hour or two and be left staring at the clock wishing time would speed up. Then I would be so mentally drained that doing anything seemingly productive felt impossible. I am going to stop right here and say that yes, these are very “first world problems.” When I would feel this way I would often tell myself that I should be lucky to have a job when most people don’t – and I was thankful, I knew it could be much worse. But is it really so wrong to want a job where you feel fulfilled and can contribute to society. I would try incorporating little things into my day to make it more meaningful – listening to podcasts helped my commute, offering assistance to colleagues when I completed my work, treating those around me and client with respect and patience. Still I felt like something was missing.

I revamped my resume and started scoping out jobs just to see what was out there. I have had numerous hits and misses during my search – mainly misses. I would become excited as prospective employers would bring me in for a second interview only to learn weeks later that they found “more qualified” for the position. And that is if I was lucky. I have lost count on the number of jobs I applied to and heard nothing back from. Trying to turn a negative into a positive, I told myself that they job(s) I didn’t get was probably a good thing – saving me from something that would end up like my old position or worse.

Budget concerns were brought up over the summer. I knew that my searches needed to become more serious as my position at the company was in jeopardy. I begin browsing job boards with more intensity. The pressure I put on myself caused me to feel discouraged when I found little to nothing that spiked my interest. If something was interesting, I wasn’t near or was qualified for the role. I began to felt like I there wasn’t anything out there that was a good fit for me. Needless to say, my overall life satisfaction/happiness rapidly decreased.

life

I started drinking more, way more when I felt discouraged and lost. My train of thinking was that as I can get “prolific” after a few drinks, a light bulb would go off in my head and suddenly I would know what to do (yeah, like that would really happen). As most people know, drinking doesn’t solve much of anything; it has only lead me to more physical (upset stomach, headache, weight gain) and mental problems (memory loss, lack of critical thinking, feelings of self loathing) and drunk texts – whoops!

I officially got the words I had been waiting for “your position is being eliminated” before Christmas. Even though I had been expecting it and had a few interviews already set up it still stung. My co-workers were honestly the main reason why I held on for so long. As we were together more than we were with our actual families, they became my work-family. Hell, they were the first people (besides my parents) that I was calling off my wedding (more on that later) than my best friends and the groom! The last weeks were full of bittersweet moments – this is my last team meeting, this is the last time I’m going to have to make my long commute, etc. While I knew that I didn’t have much room for growth at that job, nor did I have the desire to stay in that field much longer it was still tough leaving. I am grateful that I held out and was able to leave on good terms. I think it will help in the long run (look better on my resume) and my colleagues tell me to put them down as references.

So long story short (P.S. bless you if you’ve made it this far) my layoff has been a “blessing in disguise.” It’s already the second week of my third layoff. I’m still struggling to find a routine or some form of structure for my days – a balance of productivity and rest. I knew that I didn’t want to jump straight into a new job, but take time to regroup and really focus on my next move. Ideally I wanted to take a whole week off from applying to jobs, but me being the type of person who can’t do “nothing” so that idea lasted all of 3 hours. I finally heard back from two interviews in which I didn’t get the job, which is disappointing, but better than waiting in limbo.

I think for the upcoming week I am really going to make an effort to take a few days off from the search and pray not that I will find a job/opportunity, but it will find me. Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but I feel like I’ve tried many different approaches only to end up more stressed and now it is time to let go, to be BRAVE. It is exciting to think that anything is possible and something could cross my path that I haven’t even thought of ! I will keep you updated on the process and my progress. *Deep breaths*

Onwards and upwards, my friends!

dreams