Day three: who inspires me

Who are you most inspired by? Why?

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I’ve thought about this question a lot before I began this challenge and it has always been difficult for me to answer. I realize that how I answer it today my may seem like a bit of a cop-out.  It’s certainly not because I don’t have wonderful, inspiring people in my life. I do and I am very blessed to have grown up around strong men and women.

While growing up, I relied too heavily on what other people thought of me – always looking for approval, never really questioning my own beliefs, and doing whatever everyone else wanted me to do. Though some of this was in reason and the for the most part the people I were around were good, I feel like I “stunted my growth” a bit. Lately as I have been working on “becoming my own person” I have began to question why I liked X or did/did not do Y.

The first person who popped into my mind on who inspires me was our family friend, Maria. She has lived a life of incredible service as a former nun and continues to care for others after moving back to the US from France. I think part of the reason that I admire her is because my mom aspires to be like her mother – patient, faithful, and kind. Those are all qualities that I admire in a person, but again, I feel like I am just following in my mother’s footsteps.

Like I mentioned, to pick one person who inspires me is a tough. During times of growth, I’ve noticed that who and the types of people/things that inspire me change and can be harder to relate to. I am not a nun, like Maria, and have discerned that I don’t want to be. My former boss inspired me, but there were also things that I didn’t want to turn into (a workaholic). Bloggers inspire me, but I don’t always agree with all of their lifestyle choices. My mom is a selfless person and wonderful woman, but I don’t want to become my mother.

So here’s where my “cop-out” answer comes in. Instead of choosing one person that inspire me I am going to list qualities of and types of people who do inspire me. Because in reality, who is completely perfect?!

I admire:

  • My mother’s selflessness
  • My father’s artistic ability
  • My brother’s drive and persistence
  • The work ethic of my former boss
  • My boyfriend’s big heart
  • Those working on or have overcome addictions
  • Mothers
  • Writers/Authors
  • All runners (especially marathoners)
  • Everyone whole completes a Whole 30
  • Volunteers
  • Counselors
  • Doctors
  • Artists

Who are you most inspired by & why? Has that person changed over the years?

Onwards & Upwards…

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Day two: when I grow up

Good Morning, friends! I apologize for my delay in daily posts. I was out of town (Chicago) for Memorial Day weekend and can’t wait to catch you up on my travels! Although I might not have been answering the questions on my blog due to my lack of access to a computer, I still kept up with the list in my notebook:

What did you want to be when you were younger?

Growup

  • A teacher – when I moved back to Texas when I was seven, my teacher gave me a bunch of educational “practice” books and I’d line up my dolls and play school
  • A veterinarian – I’m not sure why since I never grew up with animals…
  • An archaeologist – I remember pouring over out books that I checked out from the library and thinking how cool it would be to discover dinosaur bones!
  • mom – I had to force myself to put away my dolls when I was 13 years old because I was embarrassed to tell my friends that I was still playing with dolls. Looking back, of course I think stopping for that reason was silly and I should have kept doing what made me happy. But, as the oldest child, I tended to boss my brother around and was always a”mini parent.”

I still dream of being a mom, but know that that dream won’t happen for a few years. I’ve still gotta find something to do in the meantime!

What did you want to be when you “grew up”?

Onwards & Upwards…

Day one: my ideal day

What does your ideal day look like?

Ideal Day

The first question of my personal growth exercise was actually tougher for me to answer than I anticipated. Mainly because I began over-analyzing what I would do and the order of which I would do certain things. I felt like what I wanted would automatically indicate what I should do with my life and if that was the case I needed to list something super deep and meaningful. I started filtering  what I thought my ideal day should look like. Frustrated because what I desired seemed both too simple and stereotypical, I already wanted to throw in the towel on this exercise.

But, I took a deep breath and “re-framed.” Instead of writing out a complex play-by-play I just started jotting down all of the things I like and or want to do daily. So, in no particular order, here’s my list:

  • Wake up with the sunrise
  • Do yoga/stretch
  • Drink coffee while reading a devotional, and then work on a crossword puzzle
  • Go on a long walk either by the beach or in the forest
  • Curl up with a good book
  • Go to a movie/play/museum – something cultural
  • Meet up with a family member for lunch
  • Do a little shopping and or window shopping
  • Work on a craft project
  • Laugh
  • Write
  • Cook dinner with friends
  • Listen to live music under the stars
  • Be wrapped up in a blanket watching the flames of the fireplace or fire pit – while sipping a glass of cab
  • Not be stressed/focused on what I eat/my body!!!
  • Pray

Ahhh… I a feel much better already 🙂

What does your “ideal day” look like?!

Onwards & Upwards…

Another week, a new week

Another week has passed being home, without a job. Although I had laid out specific, but what I felt “doable” goals and routine for last week, I still felt unsuccessful. I kept beating myself up for slip ups or not accomplishing what I wanted to. “Why oh why, despite my best efforts, can I not get myself together?!”

Self-Care

I become frustrated as I spend time and energy applying for jobs and then 1) never hearing back 2) getting a rejection email. It makes me feel like I’m not qualified to do anything. Although I keep telling myself that the right job will come, I am still discouraged. I have had a few interviews over the past week (both in-person and over the phone) that, if nothing else, are good for “practice.”But which each interview and job search I feel more overwhelmed and made me question what I really wanted to do.

But then I thought of what my previous counselor had told me before and what she’s tell me if I were sitting in front of her again:

Show yourself some self-compassion.

This is always a very hard concept for me to grasp. I always felt like I never do enough – exercise, avoiding trigger foods, organizing my home/life. Last week was also busy with social and family engagements so my eating/sleep schedule has been off. I end up eat more (unhealthily and later) and go to bed long after midnight. I can definitely tell the difference in how I feel both physically and mentally after getting rest. So, my lack of sleep is probably contributes to lackluster feelings. It’s crazy how it can throw the next day off before it even begins, making me less motivated to get off the couch and have a productive day.

Self

I think instead of focusing on rigid goals, what will be more therapeutic and helpful for me right now will be to do a 25-day personal growth exercise that I found on Pinterest. I’ll be able to know myself more and practice the “self-compassion” that my therapist is always preaching. I will start posting regularly on this journey tomorrow.

In the meantime, here are some ways that I have already been practicing self-care/compassion:

  • Stopped watching a TV show/movie and or reading something if it doesn’t bring me joy and/or stresses me out
  • Set out time to read before bed
  • Sorted through my old clothes and purse to donate
  • Stopped running when my ankle/knee hurts
  • Dumped out a Diet Coke that didn’t taste good (that’s what happens when you go without drinking one for awhile – you just taste the yucky chemicals!)
  • Started crocheting again

What are ways in which you practice self-care/compassion?

Onwards & Upwards…

Re-focus

I’ve been having an incredible difficult time staying focused. My mind had calmed a bit after the retreat I went on a few weekends ago, but now it’s right back to going 100 miles a minute. Throughout the day my emotions range from: positive, annoyed, tired, lonely, anxious, depressed – then a brief bout of “okayness”- then back to being unhappy.

To cope with all of these feelings I just want to eat all of the things, which in turns just makes me feel worse – no self-control, low willpower, weak. I’ve tried to establish routines to give my day order/stay on track, but my motivation to adhere to my list is low.

Thinking about something I have to do (even if it’s “fun”) leaves me feeling exhausted even though I know I usually feel better once I’ve completed something. I don’t want to start something because I know I won’t want to finish it (laundry). Charts can be a good guide, but I tend to beat myself up if I don’t meet my goals.

It’s been a series of mini victories/little things that have kept me going.

  • Going to the store (even if it’s one out of several errands on my list)
  • Laying out and reading a book in the sun in the afternoons
  • Being the one to initiate a conversation versus waiting on people to make a move (call/text)
  • Learning to say “no” to people and activities

Things I’ve learned lately:

  • I rely more on my boyfriend for social support than I’d like to be. I love him to death, but want to be able to make myself happy without depending on him to do so.
  • really don’t like being told what to do/receive unsolicited advice/being micromanaged. If I want advice/need help I’m more open to it if I ask for it myself.
  • I do not want to be a teacher like I had been (re)considering. The health care field is, however, looking more appealing.
  • I get jealous a lot easier than I care to admit

Goals for the Week:

  • More yoga, walks, and strength training versus cardio
  • More reading versus social media
  • Less sugar and alcohol (two drinks and desserts)
  • Sort through my clothes/belongings to donate

Onwards & Upwards…

 

Just-In-January

My Word of the Year: Brave

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Road trip with my dad to New Orleans. My brother and sister-in-law met us there (from Georgia) so they could go to the Sugar Bowl

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“Snow” day

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Job interview(s)

My brother and sister-in-law came to visit us from Georgia for a week

Joined a gym

Went on a couple of dates…

Found a new “home church” and a new young adults group

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Last day of my job –  Laid off

Inauguration day

Booked a trip to LONDON, England for next month with my mom

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More hiking, jogging, and yoga

Volunteered for a new mission – The 635 – and make a lot of new friends

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Movies/TV

  • Don Verdean
  • Grace & Frankie, Season 1
  • This is Us, Season 1
  • New Girl, Season 5
  • Talullah
  • The Crown, Season 13
  • The Girl on the Train
  • The Queen
  • Grey’s Anatomy, Season 12
  • Parks and Recreation, Seasons 1 & 2

Books

  • First Comes Love by Emily Giffin (finished)
  • The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

How did the first month of 2017 treat you?!

A Privileged Person

My final 25/100 things that I feel entitled to. What an eye opening experience it has been! I encourage people to try this exercise. It doesn’t have to be as long of a list (which is why I broke mine down into 4 sections). I honestly didn’t think that I’d be able to come up with 100 things, but as the weeks went on I encountered different scenarios (work, relationships, etc.) where I became more aware of my thought process. Awareness. Such an important thing. Once we become aware of something the key then becomes how we manage ourselves (thoughts, actions, and words). It is harder to “ignore” negativeness, we are given more responsibility to retrain our thinking patterns, challenging our conceptions.

I feel “entitled” to:

Being immune to bad news

Having will power against treats/food brought in from people in the office or at other functions

Being able to resist eating when I’m bored

Always being motivated to exercise

Not having to focus on my diet and exercise so much to maintain my body

My appointments run on time

Not having to worry about library due dates and/or being able to renew books that I haven’t finished

Items that I want being in stock

Not having to pay for shipping when ordering online

People that I want to see showing up to the same events that I do

Other people initiating conversations/time to hang out

Other people being free/available when I am

To feel welcome where ever I go

Not having to “kill” time in between work and evening activities

Not feeling bored/uninterested

TV shows and movies on when I want them to be

Not having to recharge my electronic devices as often

Projects going wright the first (or first few) times that I try them

Not be dragged and bogged down by other people’s drama

To have a better job, relationship, spiritual life just because I put in the effort

People agreeing with my decisions

Not having to “report” in to my mom my whereabouts just because I moved back home

Not feeling jealousy, envy, and greed

Not over analyzing/overthinking everything

Not having to pay for mental health care

Entitlement

Have you tried this exercise? If so, what were some of the things you learned about yourself? Did you notice any patterns or anything that altered your way of thinking? I’d love to hear your feedback!

Two Entitled

Entitled

Last week was eye-opening. Actually putting my thoughts into writing makes me sound/feel stuck-up and well, entitled. I’ve also noticed a pattern with what I am listing. They are things that I WANT. Here are 25 more things that I feel entitled to:

  • Free parking
  • Healthy groceries that are cheaper than junk food
  • Good weather on holidays/time off
  • Eating whatever I want without having to exercise or gain weight
  • Automatically feeling connected to God when I pray
  • Having all my prayers answered (how I want them to be answered)
  • Feeling better after going to the sacrament of reconciliation
  • Hearing back from jobs that I applied to
  • Getting jobs that I interview for
  • Work to be easy and not “take it home with me”
  • A raise for working hard
  • Recognition for my efforts and achievements
  • Respect
  • People to understand me/what I’m thinking without having to explain myself
  • People not to questions whom I date or do not date
  • People not being available when I need them
  • Not having to sit in traffic
  • Friends who initiate plans instead of me doing so
  • People who listen to me and respond with helpful advice rather than always talking about themselves and their problems
  • Restaurants/stores having what I want in stock when I need it
  • Appliances not breaking
  • Not having to apologize
  • Laundry that doesn’t wrinkle
  • My car not needing an oil change
  • Privacy

Try this exercise for yourself. What are some things that you feel “entitled” to?

Entitlement: What Do You Think You Deserve?

Entitled One

I recently received a challenge from a young adult ministry that I attend on occasion. The topic struck me as I am going through a “transitional phase” of my life right now. Thinking a lot about the past, my present situation, and what I want in the future. The goal is to come up with a list of 100 things that I feel entitled to. I don’t know if I can come up with 100 that easily, but we’ll see how it goes. First off. What is entitlement?

Simple definition of Entitlement:

  • the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something
  • the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something (such as special privileges)
  • a type of financial help provided by the government for members of a particular group

I will start with 25 things:

  • A salaried job because I received my Bachelor’s degree
  • Making more money, especially more than my friends becauseI “work harder” and/or I’m “smarter”
  • A job that makes me feel full of purpose
  • Paid holidays and time off work
  • Disposable income
  • Live debt-free
  • Prayer to come naturally
  • Feeling like I belong in a church community
  • Having more friends
  • Not having to initiate conversations or outings with friends
  • Not having to defend myself over ever though or action
  • People take me seriously
  • Respect
  • Praise and recognition from others
  • Not feeling bored
  • To be free from anxiety and depression
  • To not have to worry about health care and insurance
  • Protection from natural disasters and other accidents
  • Getting a full refund for all my wedding expenses even though I cancelled it two weeks before – my fiance and I weren’t ready to get married
  • Being able to date whomever I want
  • Finding a godly man who loves me and shares my values
  • Parents who don’t treat me like I’m still in high school
  • To be living on my own, not back in with my parents
  • Not having to pay so much for gas and transportation
  • A shorter commute

What are somethings that you feel entitled to?

Entitlement: What Do You Think You Deserve?