It’s my first “wordy Wednesday” of 2017.
I can have a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings verbally and have found that writing helps. This entry will be very casual as my mental energy is low so this list will have to do (plus, I like lists). Without further ado, below are words that come to mind when I reflect on the past week:
- out of control
- bossed around
Obviously not the *best* week, but just writing these down makes me feel a bit better.
I miss him. Everything about him. His blue/green eyes, his dimples, the way he’d sing to me in the morning, how he’d carry me to bed when I fell asleep on the couch, drinking wine and binge-watching House of Cards, riding our bikes to the farmers market, the way he’d leave the cabinets open and half empty glasses of water everywhere.
Waiting for him to come home, grocery shopping together, nights at “our” pub, him always knowing my order when we go out, surprising him with his favorite (mango) treats, leaving notes around the house for him to find. The way we just fit together.
The other night I guess you could say that I went on a first date. I had dinner with a guy I’ve known for over a year through the young adult group at church. I was a bit reluctant to go. I’m still in the process of getting over my ex (fiance), a three year relationship. I figured that I need to put myself out there, to meet potentially better guys, so I can move forward with my life and stop wallowing in the past.
The night went well. Good conversation, as I had assumed it would be. I went in with low expectations, not that I didn’t care, but in the past setting my expectations too high has left me with disappointed. It was not THE best date.
The best first date I had was with my ex-fiancé. I was head over heels, I even texted my mom and brother afterwards because I was so excited – this was very uncharacteristic of me. I had always preferred to play it safe and keep things to myself until I was more sure of where things were going. But somehow with him, I just “knew” things were different.
Now it know it’s not fair to compare. These guys are almost opposite of each other in many ways. Plus things are still relatively fresh with my ex.
I guess that I was hoping that if I had an amazing time with someone else it would reassure me that things with my ex are 100% over and there was hope for a new relationship down the road.
I do want to be fair and give this other guy chance. Go out a few more times. It’s just hard because I don’t want to lead him on either.
I really need to “date myself,” but once I get home I’m so unmotivated to leave and nothing sounds enticing.
Time will tell. Until it does, I’ll just have to be as patient as I can be…
What piece of dating advice has been most helpful to you?!
Also, TGIF! Any plans for Valetine’s weekend?
20. Crisp fall air
21. Finding a community of young adults who share similar faith and fundamental beliefs as I do
22. Shelter from storms both literally and figuratively – God (mental/spiritual strength) and a house, warm clothes and boots, umbrellas, etc. (physical)
23. Rain in times of drought to nourish the Earth & less precipitation when the ground is over saturated
24. Anti-anxiety medication for when I’ve “exhausted all of my calming techniques” and still can’t calm myself down
25. Hole-in-the-wall shops and restaurants (small & family-owned businesses)
26. The Sacrament of Reconciliation
27. My overall good health and well being and that of my friends’ and family members’
28. Having extra spending money at the end of the month
29. Celebrating my dad’s birthday (on Nov. 29th)
30. Things to look forward to in the future – my brother visiting in December, growing stronger relationships, taking much needed time off work over the holidays
What blessings are you particularly thankful for this Thanksgiving Day?
Noun – am·biv·a·lence
1. simultaneous and contradictoryattitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person,or action
2. a: continualfluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite)
b: uncertainty as to which approach tofollow
Noun – dis·cern·ment
he ability to see and understand people,things, or stituations clearly and intelligently
Noun – in·ten·tion
the thing that you plan to do or achieve :an aim or purpose
Adjective – pre·ten·tious
having or showing the unpleasant qualityof people who want to be regarded as more impressive, successful, or importantthan they really are
not easily stopped orpulled apart : firm or strong
continuing for a long time
continuing for a long time
1. a: not easily pulled apart
b: tending to adhere or cling especially to another substance
2. a:persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired
All definitions were found at http://www.merriam-webster.com/