Another “binge.” Another bout of eating extra and extra when I’m not even physically hungry. Another failure of my plans to prevent this kind of episode.
I know that I NEED the food. Especially since I’ve been exercising more, but I would feel physically and mentally better if I was able to STOP and spread my intake out.
Now I’m mad at myself because I knew beforehand that I’d be stressing about what I did and trying to “plan” out what I’m going to eat/do for the rest of the day to “stay on track” with my goals.
Today is a busier than usual day. I took my mom out for a mani/pedi for an early Mother’s Day I was supposed to go to a new church group tonight. Instead of focusing on crossing things off my lengthly to do list my energy is being sucked by thoughts of:
When and how much I’m going to work out?
What will they have to eat at the meeting? – I already overdid it while I was on the retreat with them last weekend. I don’t want that to happen again.
I’m really disappointed in myself. I wanted today to be different. I wanted to defeat the urges. I kept my trigger foods out of the house. I physically had to drive to the store and purchase them.
Now I am ashamed of myself and want to stay home tonight. Not see my boyfriend. Not see my new friends. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I will just binge again and end up hating myself more…
I’m so exhausted of this cycle and my failed attempts to break it.