My mind

My mind can not yoga

My body can not yoga

My knees and lungs could not run

Just breathe through it

*one, two, three four*

Damn, she started talking again

Telling me what to do without “telling me what to do”

I can’t concentrate

I can’t focus

I take a break

I try to take a break

My mind and body do not know how to take a break

This makes it all worse

Do I have un-diagnosed adult ADD?

Apparently it’s a thing

I used to thrive

Under deadlines

Under rules

Under pressure

Now I freeze

I flee

I become frustrated.

My therapist would tell me that I am being to hard on myself and need to practice self-compassion. Sure, then I really wouldn’t get anything done, I’d just sitting idly in front of the TV all day. I know I need to “take care of myself*” so I will have a strong foundation moving forward.

What is supposed to help doesn’t help – yoga, exercise, eating right, cutting back on alcohol and caffeine, art, meditation, crossword puzzles, books. Trying to figure out what works for me is taking up more of the minimum level of energy I have. I want to go off the grid, but then I become board. My life feels like such an oxymoron at times…


*a phrase that I loathe








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